Stephanie Hayes: Easy Halloween Costume Ideas For Continuing Society Collapse | Homes and Lifestyle
Spirit Halloween stores appear every year as a cool breath on the neck.
They fill suburban slums, such as vacant Toys “R” Us and Stein Marts. Their shelves are full of bagged costumes, so we can fulfill our destiny as “Deep Sea Honey” or “Inflatable King Shark” or “Adult Flamin ‘Hot Cheeto”.
However, the supply chain remains severely disrupted. With the big day just weeks away, Spirit Halloween and other seasonal retailers are reporting that some inventory has not been delivered. It leaves customers in the Lurch (do you see the festive thing I did there?).
It can only mean one thing. Well that can mean a lot of things, but let’s focus. It’s time to get creative. With a few household items, you can create a truly iconic Halloween set from this toilet whirlwind era.
Call to John Carpenter:
# 1: uh, supply chain disruption
You can be literal and chain yourself with cut chains, an Amazon symbol on one shoulder, and a toy house on the other. Or you could venture out on Halloween in plain clothes and explain that your costume didn’t arrive on time due to a broken business model that reveals flaws in systems we’ve long taken for granted. Provide disturbing talking points from Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg. Your friends will say something like “Who hurt you, Jennifer?” “
N ° 2: Death of compassion
You have to get close to a hooded cape and a scythe. A dark sheet will do, and let’s see … oh, a butter knife. Point the knife at anyone who isn’t exactly like you, and instead of asking them questions to gain a better understanding, tell them their time is up. Give them the bad candy that no one wants, which we all know are Tootsie Rolls and Candy Corn are included. Make sure you stay anonymous, however, so that you don’t experience any repercussions.
# 3: numb monster
Forget Frankenstein; it’s time to come off! Use bubble wrap or packing foam from items you ordered in March that arrived yesterday. Have a friend wrap it around your body in layers. Leave a facial hole just large enough to breathe, but not comfortably. It’s supposed to be scary. Now ask people to prick you. Revel in the fact that you cannot feel anything at all.
N ° 4: the mistress of languor
Sometimes you just want to look pretty on Halloween. Pull out the red lipstick and combine your sexiest outfit with the psychological concept of “languishing,” a dulling of the senses that accompanies a pandemic that will never end. Give a little sign and put it around your neck. Write, “I am often a little joyless, but that’s okay. “
# 4: A Huge Huge Giant Mask
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention always suggests that we mask ourselves, even when we are vaccinated. Play it safe by covering your entire head with fabric. Where to find it? Oh, okay, in bed. There, go ahead and get on. OK, now put it over your head, it’s true. Mmhm. I’m just going to turn that light off, and … no, shhh. Your disguise is superb. You are safe.
– Stephanie Hayes is a columnist for the Tampa Bay Times in Florida. Follow her on Twitter: @StephHayes and Instagram: @StephHayes. Click here for previous columns. The opinions expressed are his own.